Communication & Arguing

Depend on you?

“Underneath all the distress, partners are asking each other: Can I count on you? Depend on you? Are you there for me? Will you respond to me when I need, when I call? Do I matter to you? Am I valued and accepted by you? Do you need me, rely on me?”

Fighting all the time is hard on your relationship. If you fight frequently, you tend to feel angry and resentful toward the other person most of the time.You don’t trust your partner to have your back, so you defend yourself or lash out at them before they can do the same to you. You shut down emotionally. After a while, you feel less like partners and more like enemies

But isn’t fighting normal? It depends on how you do it.

All couples disagree on some things, and most argue from time-to-time and then make up. That is not necessarily damaging to a marriage. What does harm the relationship is the feeling that your partner doesn’t have your back, or that your partner only wants their way and doesn’t care how you feel. What harms the relationship even more is the feeling that your partner wants to hurt you emotionally.

When arguments consist of one or both partners personally attacking the other to try to wound him or her, rather than staying on the subject of the argument, the relationship is being harmed. Those wounds don’t disappear. They build up inside and build a wall between you.If you’re experiencing significant physical violence in your relationship, couples therapy may not be for you. The one who is perpetrating the violence needs to get help for that first. If they refuse to get help, then you need to make sure you, and anyone who is in your care such as your children, are safe.

 

Counseling Can Help You Both

But, if you’re not experiencing violence, counseling can help you both to determine where the anger is coming from. You may have a sensitive spot or painful place inside of you that your partner keeps touching. That brings up painful emotions, and you end up either lashing out, defending yourself, or trying to escape the argument.

Therapy can help you both find some healing for that painful place, and you can learn to communicate with each other in a caring way. You can find out how to work things out as partners together, rather than fight as enemies.

Contact Us Now

If you’re ready for this kind of support, I offer couples therapy in the state of North Carolina and have openings in my practice. Please call me at (336) 218-9040 or email me fpatton@fptherapy.info to get started.

Healing For That Painful Place

Therapy can help you both find some healing for that painful place, and you can learn to communicate with each other in a caring way. You can find out how to work things out as partners together, rather than fight as enemies.

When I work with couples who are fighting frequently, the first thing I do is to help them learn to listen to each other. Then, we discover what is causing the arguments to rage out of control. Once clients experience some success in handling things more calmly, I help them continue to develop skills of speaking honestly but kindly, listening to and understanding each other, and working out a solution as a team.

Frances Patton Therapy